Police Department Internship Day 3

• Got there at 10am.
• Went into dispatch room.
• Guy I met on Tuesday (DG: dispatch guy) was in there.
• DG explained things to me.
• Sit in chair. Read blogs. Twitter. Play Audi A4 and Flood it on iPhone.
• Lunch at 1:30: Peanut butter and strawberry jelly and water. Thought of something I wanted to ask DU (detective/supervisor person). Thought I heard his voice while eating lunch. When I was done eating I went to his desk and he wasn’t there.
• Went back with dispatch.
• DU came to dispatch. Talked to him for a bit.
• Starting next week I will be with the detectives for the entire month of June.
• DU said I could leave early.
• Thought about walking home. Not that far, but I can’t remember if there are sidewalks the whole way going down the main road. There are.
• I think on days when I get off and it’s not late/dark I will walk home. If I do that then Yay! for sunshine and exercise!
• Have decided that tomorrow and Saturday I am going to bring a book. Maybe East of Eden. Probably. It’s my favorite.

What did that stupid boy do to me?

And why can’t I stop thinking about him?

Somehow I am still thinking about Tuesday. It was really nice. Now I keep thinking about every little thing.

When he touched my stomach it was the hardest thing for me to not move away or not move his hand. I don’t want him to know what I think my flaws are because if someone says something about themselves then you are more likely to notice. I just have to pretend I think I’m awesome.

He tells me about these famous people and random people he sees at bars and people be knows that are gorgeous and all I want him to do is say something about me. It doesn’t have to be gorgeous. I would be happy if he thought I was just pretty.

After we got ice cream we came back to my house and sat on my couch and you played a car game on my phone. I think I should either beat your times or get someone else to so you will come back. Ha. If only that would work.

When dexter came and sat with us on the couch and you liked sitting there playing with my dog that was kind of great. My animals are kind of totally my most favoritest things ever. You being fine with my puppy trying to get a lot of attention from you and licking you? That was good. (Tip for any future guys: If you get along with my pets and they like you I will like you more than I already do.)

While Dexter was sitting with us I kept giving the puppy kisses. B said something about how dexter was getting a lot of kisses. Later when B and I were kissing we stopped and noticed dexter looking at us. B told him that he already got kisses and it was his turn. Ha. Funny and adorable. (Tip #2: Make me laugh. If you’re a certain kind of funny I will really like you.)

Dexter deciding to lay on me and stop what we were doing? Kind of sucked. Kind of was funny. Kind of made me think that nothing will ever happen that my mom wouldn’t want to happen. He is very much a little guard dog. (& also a stopper of fun stuff. Next time I’m pushing him off of me.)

When he kissed me was that because he was being a horny 21 year old boy (and maybe more would happen from kissing) or because he liked me? With that thought I can’t help but go back to high school. We dated in high school and he was very much a 16 year old boy. Is this going to be like an exact repeat of high school? Am I going to constantly like him more than me? Being friends with him is nice and even though kissing him was nice maybe we shouldn’t. I like him a lot and kissing him and only being friends sucks.

I’m pretty sure everything I am thinking about and writing is what he didn’t want to happen. He kept asking if I thought us kissing was wierd and I kept saying no. Eventually he told me what he was thinking. He said that even though we kissed (Which I already said was just kissing and fine.) we shouldn’t date now and we should just be friends. I thought I would feel fine about that, but now it kind of sucks.

He was my first boyfriend and first kiss and when he broke up with me it was because he was a horny dumb 16 year old boy. I have had a bit of a crush on him for the last few months (around October/November). When he kissed me it was really nice. I clearly like him more than he likes me and it sucks.

This post is probably what he didn’t want to happen. Crap. (Meaning: he kept asking if it was wired. I told him no. Now I feel kind of wierd. Pretty sure it’s because I like him more after kissing him.)

Today: Be Lazy

Today I am staying home. I need to do laundry, but that is my only plan for today. This is going to be nice.

I need a new camera. Right now all I have to use to take pictures is my iphone and I kind of want an actual camera. The only requirements I have is I want a digital one. I also want it to be little. What is a good small digital camera to get?

I’m in like most definately.

So. I had a super long post all written out and I just erased it all. I couldn’t figure out exactly how to write what I was thinking. When I first wrote this it came out wrong and ended up sounding like more then what it was. Now I think I figured out what exactly it was that I wanted to write. I’m not really sure if this post will make much sense to anyone, but oh well. The person this is about will probably never read it, but if you are (and it’s kind of obvious it’s you. You have a lovely little note at the bottom.)

So there is this person who is kind of awesome. Talking to them is so great because it is just really easy. We have really good conversation and I laugh a lot. I haven’t had that kind of good conversation with J in such a long time. J and I have moments of good conversation, but usually it’s just a few minutes of good and then nothing. With not J there are no awkward pauses or bad yelling at each other. It’s like good. He is like an awesome friend. We seem to spend most of our conversations/texts arguing though. It’s fun to argue though. Sometimes arguing and bugging the other person is the funnest type of conversation to have. He actually told me we have better arguments than he has with his other friends. I’m totally awesome though so that isn’t surprising.

*In case this is confusing I am in like with having awesome conversations with awesome people.

To the person this is about if you ever stumble upon this post: You are like an awesome friend. I would really like us to not do what we usually do where we talk for a few weeks and then don’t talk for like a year. I would kind of like to keep you as a constant friend and not a every couple of months friend. You’re awesome and maybe someday I will get you to eat three veggie burgers and like ten cats. : ) Also, it would be pretty awesome to fly over Chicago at night. Only on a really nice not at all windy night. : )

I don’t get that

When you find out your girlfriend is talking to her exboyfriend from like forever ago (highschool) why does that have to bother you?
I understand about the whole worry thing and I would probably worry too, but I wish that worry didn’t exist. Being told there is nothing to worry about doesn’t help and I wish I knew what would.

Why does talking to an exboyfriend feel like I am doing something wrong?
I have no desire to get back together with him and I just enjoy talking to him. It’s nice to catch up with eachother. We have a habit of talking to eachother for a few weeks and then not talking for like a year and then we talk for a few weeks and then not talking for a while. Talking to him shouldn’t seem wrong because I am not doing anything wrong and i’m not flirting or anything, but I think it probably bothers me because I know it bothers my boyfriend.

When you see someone wearing a football jersey and no one else is why do you assume they are the type of person who just likes to break rules and get away with it?
They probably are the only one who felt like it and they probably wouldn’t like you assuming they are a bad person.

Why would you expect someone to cancel plans that they have had planned for a while kind of to do something with you and other people?
Especially if those plans are like an hour away. Talking more about wanting to go out isn’t going to make them suddenly transport closer to you so you can hang out. I’m sorry your thing got done earlier but ours didn’t.

Why isn’t it easier to learn things?
I study so incredibly much, but I still don’t do amazing on all of my tests/papers/exams/homework. I am studying good and feel like I know the stuff, but when it comes time for the exam I seem to forget everything.

Do I really need to get my license?
I HATE driving. I think I need to get my license and I really mean it this time. I don’t know how long the weather is going to stay good though and I would rather not do it when there is snow and stuff on the ground so maybe spring break.

Why can’t the Iphone receive picture messages?
It can do everything else and it can’t do that? Dude.

Why can’t everyone just have a million dollars?
I know some people would waste it and spend it on things they shouldn’t, but I would love to not have to worry about school loans so much later. I would prefer to spend my future paychecks on things that I need/want at that future moment not school bills.

Why don’t I have more friends?
Umm… because I am kind of ridiculously quiet around people I don’t know. I also worry too much about people not liking me or what I am saying or a million other things that I shouldn’t be thinking. I need some new ones. The current ones are good they just aren’t that many and it kind of sucks. I like to think that I am not as shy as I was when I was younger, but being at college I think I have become more shy. Stupid internet for giving me a distraction from interacting with real people.

When someone is incredibly nervous about getting accepted to grad school/graduating/finding a place to do an internship and they tell you about where they want to go to grad school why would you say: Only one of those is good because ___ is associated with that school (worked there/went to school) and that the others are not in good areas and that one of them is not really a place you actually should want to go to school it’s like Purdue Calumet (in other words: Bad/Fake College)?
Seriously? I think it’s crap that you said that. I am already nervous enough about not getting accepted anywhere and now if I don’t get accepted to that one school I don’t want to talk to you about where I am going. I don’t want to discuss grad school with you at all. Why would you say any of that to me. I have discussed these schools with my mom and i’m sorry to say this, but her opinion means more to me then yours. She likes all of my school choices and thinks they are fine and she didn’t even say anything bad about me looking at Valporaiso University. It may not be my first choice, but it seems okay and if I decide to go there and you say anything bad about it I will probably just quit you. I hardly ever see you and we never make plans that far in advance and you get mad when I make other plans (even though I didn’t know if you would be home) and I really don’t need this. I just want you to be happy about what I decide to do.

Why do I have more to talk about with my ex boyfriend then my current boyfriend?
Probably because we don’t talk that much. I think the last time I talked to him was like ohhhh last year sometime maybe. I just don’t want to talk less with my boyfriend. That would probably help, but I don’t want to.